ParentsCorner

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What's Your Parenting Style?

Mary's Book Picks for Parents and Children

How to Listen so Kids Get Heard!

Create an atmosphere where kids feel they can talk freely.

Make the time to listen.
Accept your child's thoughts and feelings.

Listen

Look at your child. Pay attention.
Show that you are interested.
Respond with a word, a sound, or a nod.

Get the Facts

Ask questions if there's something you don't understand.
Repeat in your own words that your child says to be sure you really understand.

Remember not to:

Interrupt.
Bombard your child with questions. It can put any child on the defensive.
Make up your mind before your child finishes speaking.

Parenting styles fall roughly into three categories. Do you recognize your style?

Authoritarian:

Do you find yourself saying to your kids, "Do it because I said so'?
Are your rules set in stone?
Do you tell your kids what to do and expect them to be obedient?

Authoritarian parents want to maintain control because they feel it's the only way their kids are going to learn to be responsible. But when the control is all in the hands of a parent, children learn obedience but they do not learn to think for themselves, trust themselves, or learn how to exercise self-control and personal responsibility.

Permissive:

Do you rescue your children whenever they're in a jam rather than allow them to face the consequences of their behavior?
Do you have difficulty providing structure, setting limits, maintaining expectations, and enforcing rules?

Permissive parents want to protect their children by making life easier for them. But children of permissive parents can feel incompetent because they're not given opportunities to develop responsibility and succeed in being responsible.

Respectful:

Do you balance kindness with firmness?
Do you require mutual respect between you and your children?
Do you take the time to listen and understand how your children feel?
Do you work together with your children to solve problems?
Do you model responsible behavior?

Children raised with this approach grow up with a mix of support and structure; plus, a healthy measure of the trust they'll need to assume and meet their responsibilities.